#respect boundaries to a point where she might not talk to you ever again

[gearvmac]

tagged by @nightbloodbix & @inafieldofdaisies to use this romance chart and you know i had to do it for my current brain rot.

no pressure tags; @lunar-cherries @marivenah @simonxriley @carlosoliveiraa @theelderhazelnut @finding-comfort-in-rain @silkcrows @kyber-infinitygems @corvosattano @stuckinthewrongworld @captastra @onehornedbeast @leviiackrman @malewifefirestar @illmetbymoonlight and anyone who’d like to try!

[caligvlasaqvarivm]

Hello resident Eridan expert! 0u0 I was wondering if you thought he might get on well with Aradia? Thank you for your time!

Actually yes! In moderate doses. After Eridan's character development. The list I like to keep of his platonic friends, from most to least close to him, is like.

Nepeta -> Dirk -> Feferi -> Vriska -> Aradia -> Other

So I already talked about how he and Nepeta seem like they'd actually make for really good friends - the Heart player who can't help but see the good in him, and Eridan liking nice people and the fact that the two of them have a lot in common. I've also made mention before about how I think he and Dirk would have an extremely lethargic, almost transactional bro-ship where they sometimes beat each other to death. A completely neutral friendship, where they do not make each other better OR worse, they just help each other take the edge off the Prince Ennui. Using extreme violence.

He and Feferi are also not so different, and, honestly, they're childhood friends. She's pretty fond of him, and he's TOO fond of her, but after his character development and he fully gets over her, I think they'd be perfectly decent friends. He and Vriska have much the same deal, but I think their personalities mesh slightly worse than his and Feferi's.

If you're wondering why Kanaya isn't on this list, it's because she hates his dumb ass and always has. I think Eridan thinks he's really good friends with Kanaya. Kanaya has literally never respected Eridan even a little bit. Same with Rose. It's really funny.

So Aradia is kind of the last person out of the characters that I think I'd emphatically call "Eridan's Friend." Everyone covered in "other" tends to be people who are everybody's friend (like John) or basically tolerant of his behavior in small doses (like Dave).

With Aradia specifically, there's a few factors to consider; first of all, she has a pretty negative view of highbloods in general, calling them "hateful sn0bs" at one point. She's a lot more tolerant as the stewardess of the afterlife, because Alternia's gone and everyone else is dead, but I think it should still stand that she'd be sensitive to anti-casteist sentiment, since casteism colored so much of her life back when she was, y'know, alive.

But the reason I think they'd work as friends is because Aradia has a bluntness and straightforwardness about her that happens to mesh well with Eridan's suite of issues. He's actually fairly easy to manage if you're fully honest with him and set and maintain very clear boundaries, because he doesn't catch social cues, but also doesn't really see naked hostility, bluntness, or aggression as bad things.

And Aradia can be viciously sarcastic, but her natural tendency is to be very blunt and honest and call things the way she sees them. This means that if she's ever too annoyed by Eridan, she will let him know that as bluntly as humanly possible, and then happily fuck off, with Eridan generally no worse for the wear (although he may have a negative reaction in the moment. But Aradia's self-possessed enough to not really give a shit as long as she's not in the wrong).

The main issue between them is that I think Aradia would believe Eridan IS a nasty, casteist highblood, unless somehow given reason to interact with him for an extended period of time. Eridan didn't really talk to the lowbloods, and the two generally had no reason to interact, so she'd basically have no reason NOT to believe him when he starts spewing bullshit. Moreover, Eridan's the type of aggressive idiot that would outright admit that if they'd FLARPed together, there was every chance she'd wind up orphaned or dead (this is just a neutral fact to him), and then comment that maybe it wouldn't have mattered because she wound up dead anyway (again, just a neutral observation to him). Writing Eridan mostly consists of coming up with words that make you cringe.

Aradia is smart enough that I think any extensive conversation or time spent with him would make her realize how performative his casteist stuff is, and how little he actually cares about blood color. Since she generally never had reason to interact or care about him before (not even her friends are friends with him), this would pretty much shift her opinion from "idgaf about him, seems like a snob like the rest of the highbloods" to "oh... he's funny as hell. what's wrong with him".

Once she figures out that he genuinely doesn't mean any harm or offense by the awful dumb shit he says, I think she'd be willing to engage with him on mutual interests (they both FLARPed, so they're presumably both roleplayers, and they could probably bond over death - something Eridan is unfortunately obsessed with and Aradia doesn't have many discussion partners over). Emotionally, she'd probably keep him at arm's length - he has a lot of Issues and Problems, and she's not really interested in helping him handle them (she doesn't really bother with trying to cheer people up on the bubbles so much as just explaining what they can do now that they're dead, and letting them make their own decisions). Not that she isn't a nice person, but I do think it'd just be kind of difficult for her to have too much sympathy for a guy whose problems were largely caused by being too aristocratic.

But, like, she would also pretty happily call him "her friend," because she always cuts it short when it gets too real for her, minimizing her negative experiences with him. I think eventually, like training a dog, Eridan would figure out that Aradia is just Not The Friend For That, so it'd become less of a problem as time goes on.

She thinks he's ridiculous and funny, calls him up when she wants to infodump on someone and her usual buddies aren't around, and I think they'd play good DnD together with Nepeta and Vriska. Yeah I know Vriska killed her but she killed Vriska so they're even. The energy at the table is deeply weird but Eridan wouldn't notice and Aradia would get a kick out of it, leaing poor Nepeta to suffer it alone.

Anyway, I love that Eridan's assortment of platonic friendships is so haphazard. Nepeta AND Feferi, who hate each other. Vriska AND Aradia, who killed each other. And also Dirk is there. He's the DM.

[annavere]

Tossing my hat in the Teen Wolf meta ring, because I've been thinking about this all day. I've read various theories about why Peter Hale offered Stiles the bite and then accepted a refusal, when he didn't offer a choice to either Scott or Lydia. Most of these seem to involve Peter respecting Stiles more than the others, or being aware that Stiles would be a very unpleasant adversary as an unwilling bite-ee.

My theory: He offers Stiles the bite, because Stiles might actually accept it. He doesn't make the same offer to Scott or Lydia, because neither of them would say yes. Peter is a very patient man (usually). His modus operandi is sitting around, collecting information, avoiding conflicts, then swooping in at the perfect moment (usually late in the season) to mop up. He's a manipulator by preference, but if he can't manipulate, he'll use force. He needs Scott, and Lydia, and there's no point asking if they want the bite, since they're not going to give the answer he wants to hear.

Obviously, given the short window of opportunity, he can't just walk up to Scott in the forest at night and say "Hey kid, wanna become a werewolf? You can have claws and fangs, it'll be great. No asthma! Think it over. You've got ten minutes." That's not gonna work, so why bother? If Sheriff had found Scott, leaving Stiles alone in the woods, Peter wouldn't have asked him for permission, either. Lest we forget, Melissa McCall was also on his bite-happy list, and the premise applies to her as well: Nothing would have induced that sensible woman to say yes.

Meanwhile, he definitely stalked Lydia, and was in the room with her at both Macy's and the winter formal, where the conversations he had opportunity to overhear would tell him Lydia had her life on track exactly as she wanted it. She was not going to jump at the chance to become a supernatural creature of any sort (especially not to bail his sorry ass out in event of his demise). It wouldn't help with her school popularity or her winning of the Fields Medal, therefore… "Pass."

Stiles, however, is tempted (at least according to Peter). "Do you know what I heard just then? Your heart beating slightly faster over the words 'I don't want.' You may believe that you're telling me the truth, but you are lying to yourself." Hence Peter can shrug and walk away, because Stiles wants it, and that means Stiles can eventually be put in a position where he'll say yes.

We see the exact same behavior play out again a season later, with Lydia. The man who didn't care about violating her physical and mental autonomy is suddenly willing to play nice, asking permission to kiss her and backing off when she refuses. Why? Because while she would never have agreed to have her latent banshee powers triggered, she is attracted to him. She places boundaries and he accepts them, because it's only a matter of time before she capitulates. Sure enough, he creates a scenario that works for her in the very next episode. When she finds out who young!Peter is, she rejects any further make out sessions, and (although he remains the handsy stuff of nightmares) he does not force that particular issue. Given the "only have eyes for you" vibe every time they are ever in a room together afterward, he is presumably content to wait her out.

This, after all, is the man who says of teenagers: "One minute, it's 'I hate you, don't talk to me.' The next, it's frantic groping in any dark corner they could manage to find." This statement is the closest he ever comes to commenting on his own actions after spending a month in Lydia's mind. Teenagers, according to his self-serving universe, refuse things they secretly want, things Peter knows they want because he can hear their heartbeats. And if Stiles and Lydia say no, but mean yes, he's already won. He'll collect later.

So, tl;dr: Peter Hale, provided nothing urgently requires him to override the issue, does care about consent and is willing to abide by it - but only if the answer is eventually going to be yes.

[bowsbar]

ideal tacomic to me is Pits in both of their stomachs manifested as thoughts of one another they cant erase no matter how much they try to move on,theey repress them for different reasonts though.To me its like.

Mic represses them bc she haets taco and just wants to move on with her life-To stop thinking about her shitty decisions during her time in the competition. she hates that she still thinks about taco allathis time later when shes in a much better place both physically and mentally

taco represses them bc she does not know what to do with them and in true taco fashion if u dont knpw how to handle your feelings just bottle them up forever (Guatanteed to work)(TRUST ME). she has 0 outlet no mepad doesnt count bc that out let is microphone and mic has made it clear she wants nothing to do with taco. Which taco will adhere to bc i think she respects mic more than she respects herself, which,In and of itself is not a very high bar to clear bc taco is filled to the brim with self loathing (and lettuce and taomato) so she would respect mics boundaries...and just rot.

in the neural network time line i nmy head theres some point along it where taco DOES try to reconcile with mic!but it doesnt end well. mic tells her to leavee her alone. dont talk to me? (sighs) do whatever schemes you gotta do but leave me out of them, okay? i want nothing to do with you anymore. fnd taco goes Ok bchwat else is she suppsoed to say to that.NO? she might try to push back in a fit of desperation upon seeing how the meeting is going (diseasedly) getting real vulenerable which would make anyone who has even the slightest intnetion of giving taco another chance fold but mic isnt like other girls and has a sense of self preservation. in an attempt of pushing for closure taco ends up pushing mic further away than she already was, which already seemed impossible (reached the limit, apparently not). when taco sees that shes done the impossible + the futility of this meeting has fully shown itself to her thats when she dips (sih of relief from mic)(proceeds to punch a hole in the wall bc watching her leave hurt for a reason she knows but doesnt want to acknowledge)

taco then doesnttt try again. tying in with her perceived incapability of starting over. welp it didnt work theres no reason to ever try again haha shucks gues thems the breaks for me or whatever british version that translates to. she has maybe one more shot with pickle and if that goes well (hmm) then theres a crumb of hope for happy tacomic ending? pickle speaks good on taco and plants that seed of forgiveness in mic to unwind those tangled roots of hatred and spite in her stomach that have knotted over so much time. but in order for anything to come of that taco would have to come face to face with mic again and i think shed rather die

[astupidgaydog]

Intro Post (NEW)

I. About me;

Hello !! I’m so glad to be back on Tumblr once again !! Since you probably don’t remember my account I’ll give a short refresher. I used to have the user name “@//Thesilliestperson” and ran a pro-ship safe mood / stimboard account.

I was under a lot of stress at the time and had quite a lot on my mind. I kind of just deleted my account out of no where because I felt like I couldn’t balance doing requests while also doing a bunch of school work. I don’t know why my first thought was to delete it but, hey, that was quite a while ago.

I’m going to try to build my account from the ground up, so be prepared for me to be on here pretty much 24/7 !! ( I still have to go to work so not 24/7 but you get what I mean. ) Thank you all for being so patient even when I deleted my old account out of no where, lots of hugs and kisses !!

For those who don’t know me; I’m Silly / Silliest !! I go by all pronouns except for She / her and I hope you can respect that. I am 17 and strictly anti-harassment in all shapes and forms as I know how it feels to be bullied to your lowest point over stupid things. Even though this is a pro-ship stim / moodboard account, I am currently iffy about dark-ships, I will most likely be posting them in the near future because of other people’s requests though so don’t let that discourage you from sending dark-ship requests !! ( I also ship some myself, it just feels kind of iffy to me. )

II. Stim / Moodboards;

I allow pretty much anything. You name it, I’ll make it into a stim / moodboard for you. As you can see, I don’t really have many boundaries when it comes to requests. ( The only requests I do not allow are NSFW requests since I am still a minor and am extremely uncomfortable with making those things )

If you want to request something from me please do the following; Add the media source, character(s) you want featured in the board, and if you want to be @‘ed or not in the post. You can optionally add what color palettes you want the board to follow and what ever extra things your heart desires.

I try to be very fast when posting stim / moodboards but please be patient if I don’t do your request(s) immediately, I might have a long list of other requests in front of yours. If after a month or two yours hasn’t been done it either got buried under requests or didn’t go through. If that happened, please re-send the request with a short message that should look something like this; “Hey, I didn’t receive my board yet! It included; ( Insert request. )” I will try my best to do yours as soon as possible when I see that message.

If something’s wrong with your stim / moodboard don’t be afraid to tell me !! You can privately DM me the issue or just talk about it through the request box. I will almost immediately try my best to fix the issue I made with your board before doing any of the other requests. ( I will keep the original board up unless you request me to take it down before posting the fixed version. )

III. My F/O’s;

This is a list of my F/O’s ( Also known as ‘Fictional Others’ ) that I adore with all my heart. You may request stim / moodboards that include my F/O’s, I don’t mind sharing them with other people / characters at all !!

💚 = Romantic , ❤️ = Platonic , 💛 = Familial

☆ Cracklin (ION) 💚

★ Gelatin (BFB) 💚

☆ Aventurine (HSR) ❤️

★ Leafy (BFB) 💛

☆ Kankri (HS) 💚

★ Mituna (HS) ❤️

☆ Sylveon (PK) 💛

★ Vaporeon (PK) 💚

☆ Moon (FNAF) 💚

★ Sun (FNAF) 💚

☆ Master Frown (Unikitty) ❤️

I love my guys / gals so much !! more may be added in the future, I’ll see what I do.

IV. The End;

Thank you for reading my long ass intro, I just wanted to redo the one on my old account in the best way possible. I hope this was good enough way to feature everything I do !!

Anyways, I hope to do lots of boards for many different people in the future !! I’ll try my best to make good ( or decent at least) boards. I haven’t made one in a while so this will be the best start to remembering how to make them again !!

Again, thank you for being so patient with me, even through tough times, I greatly appreciate it you have no idea.

Lots of love,

Silly 🎉

[fishing-lesbian-catgirl]

45.

45: worst date you’ve ever been on

I haven’t been on very many but I do think I have a decent answer even if I don’t like thinking about it.

Just over a year ago, a trans woman I matched with on tinder invited me with no notice to go to her place to watch a movie and hang out. It was, by all circumstances, not a great idea. I had sudden unplanned events, it was snowing pretty bad, and it was already like 7 pm. However I was in a bout of extreme loneliness and was desperate. So I drove 30 minutes during a snowstorm to get to her place. I want to preface this by saying that I have struggled throughout my life with being kind of a germaphobe. Not like so extreme that I have to wipe down and disinfect my apartment every week or anything like that, but I’m tend to wash my hands waaaaay too much and just be easily grossed out in general. Anyway her place was absolutely disgusting and filthy and a mess. I feel a little bad saying that but like it was bad. I mean I didn’t see like bugs or mold or anything, but everything was covered in stuff that had been carelessly left there, every surface and most of the floor covered in empty food containers and like crumbs and god knows what, that probably doesn’t sound that bad but I don’t know how to describe it better and I don’t want to keep thinking about it much longer. I’m not the neatest person and my apartment is usually a bit of a mess, but the idea of inviting someone over without cleaning it first is so against the way I do things that I was and still am baffled by it. Anyway I didn’t want to judge too much (I really am trying to get over the germaphobia stuff but it’s hard ok) and I was still a very lonely bitch so I sat on her gross crumb covered couch and watched the Sonic the hedgehog movie, (bc I had mentioned to her in a conversation that I never saw it). She was touchy and cuddly and I quickly got kinda overwhelmed but, again, I was super lonely, I hadn’t spent time with anyone in months (unless you count going to classes but I don’t) so I didn’t want to bail. After the movie we talked and she was sweet and cute and she respected my boundaries and worries because I was very inexperienced with anything remotely resembling dating. But it was now like 1 am and there was a snowstorm outside and she was saying I should probably stay the night, even being upfront and saying we don’t have to do anything, but she was hinting that she might want to. But at that point the mess and dirt and whatnot was really getting to me. I went to the bathroom to pee and sort out my thoughts, but it was like 10x nastier in there, I don’t want to describe it even thinking about it makes me want to take a shower. After that I wanted to be as far from there as possible. I told her as politely as I could but probably not that politely, that I had already gone way out of my comfort zone and that I wanted to go. This wasn’t a lie or anything, basically everything I did that night was well beyond my usual comfort zone that night. She seemed very disappointed but I was beyond feeling bad anymore, I got out of there and went to my car where I rubbed my hand with hand sanitizer like three times and drove home through the blizzard going at a snails pace on the highway bc of the weather, and the whole time I felt like throwing up. When I finally got home over an hour later I took a shower for like another hour.

Now that I typed all that out I’m realizing I used way more words than I needed to say that my worst date was going to a girls place and it was really gross so I didn’t stay longer than a few hours. It’s also not like much of an interesting story and I wrote all that out and relived those memories for what is ultimately not that interesting.

Although even if the circumstances were different I still don’t think I would like the sonic movie

[electricbluebutterflies]

leto / jessica + 'i know i can’t protect you from everything,  but i wish you’d let me protect you from the things i can control' <3

Multiple people sent this prompt in a very short period of time, soooo. Early-era, PG-ish, also on ao3.

He doesn’t know how to handle this. How to handle her.

Such a cold way of putting the situation, he knows, colder than that woman deserves, even colder than she is, but-

He lets her do what she will, in the early years, and he watches, and he worries.

However he’d gotten the impression that a concubine of her order would be cooperative, he is apparently dead wrong about this, or at least more wrong as months turn to years and it becomes apparent that this one is very much her own personality. Stubborn as he is, sharp object of a woman, something inherently wounded about her but she acts like it isn’t there, prone to isolating, prone to-

It occurs to him that she may often make her problems worse, and it occurs to him that outright saying that to her would be an appropriately stupid way to die.

Leto has more self-preservation instincts than his bloodline might indicate, and the current state of his personal life is fine, and-

He likes her. Someday that will be a problem; right now it is something he is trying to learn how to live with, how to love someone who he suspects is very averse to the idea and again more comments that would probably get him murdered if he even thought about it long enough and-

He becomes protective out of a kind of necessity, determined to make this situation work because there’s a certain beauty in it if he does, if he-

If this isn’t the worst decision he ever makes, like everyone else in his life thinks it is. Which would be fine, he knows who he trusts and whose judgement is reliable, but-

There are comments made to her, and he wants to do something, and he’s not sure how that would go over either – he would be heard otherwise, an intervention would get results, but if he crossed her boundaries…

If she even has boundaries…

So much he doesn’t know about this woman he adores, this woman who has become a red right hand he didn’t know he needed until she figured out how to fit but skies forbid he say anything about how pretty she is and-

Eventually, a breaking point. Eventually, an evening in neutral space – not somewhere ideal for pinning her to a wall, by his standards, he is very clear about this – and they are going to talk about this and find a way forward and-

Maybe, maybe this is not an ideal direction for the tendency towards misguided ambition he has been determined to avoid his entire life, but-

He waits for her, and he is overwhelmed as she slips into the room. She moves like water, fluid and near-silent, a vision in an ice-blue dress and-

“Did I wrong you?”

That’s where she starts. Of course it is. He can see now how a we-need-to-talk warning may have come across, how that might have distressed her and he could’ve been more tactful but-

“Is that the only reason you think I might-“

“You’re clearer when you… want me,” she murmurs. “This did not seem-“

The desire to kiss her is very present now, to just… not have this conversation, to delay for as long as he can because if she has a heart then he wants to respect it and he’s really not sure-

She destabilizes him. She has made him a better man through it. Somehow these opposing realities coexist.

“I know I can’t protect you from everything, but I wish you’d let me protect you from the things I can control.”

Well.

This is clearly not what she expects, and he watches her react, watches her steady herself and take half a step backwards to get one of her hands on a table, the other tangled in her skirt and he wonders what hand-signal she’s subconsciously making but there’s too much fabric for him to see and-

“Have I asked for such protection?”

No, he wants to say, no because that would involve her asking for anything and she seems spectacularly averse to-

“I do what I can. I do not tolerate… but I know you have heard things you should not hear, and-“

“You think words can hurt me,” she breathes, and oh sometimes there is fire in her that makes him worry about a past he will never know. “You think I am so vulnerable and-“

“You deserve to be treated well, and I wanted your permission before-“

“You do not need it. That is not our expected balance.”

“But what if I want it to be?”

She takes a few deep breaths, and something about her position seams unsteady, something makes him want to hold her for a long time but if he puts his hands on her they won’t get anywhere and-

“Why?”

They have tried to have this conversation before. He has treated her with utmost respect because this is what he knows, because there was no good reason to limit her to assigned status and he is still unsure what she might be capable of when threatened and he would rather not find out and-

This is what one does with a woman in one’s proximity, regardless of formal role. This is how to maintain a quiet life. Or at least it would be if she wasn’t so-

“I want to do right by you. And I want you to be happy, if that is something you are capable of.”

She makes a low sound he’s come to assume is as close as she gets to delight, and for a moment there is something sweet in her eyes, and-

“You don’t need to.”

“I know. I’m choosing to.”

“Again. Why?”

Because she challenges him but never in a way that feels threatening, he’d say if he thought she’d listen. Because she’s beautiful in a particular icy way that had never appealed to him before. Because she’s fierce and she’ll go at anyone who provokes her, even him, without thought of what might happen or how it might look, and at the same time she is so cautious about how the rest of the world sees her otherwise and-

“I might be falling in love with you,” he says instead, because might as well just go for it and get the passive-aggressive suicide attempt over with, he can’t imagine-

“You could do better.”

“I don’t care.”

There’s something tempting about this, about her, about the idea of doing one scandalous thing in his otherwise perfectly acceptable and boring life and even this isn’t that bad, even this can be justified, it would not be the end of all things if he preferred her even if he does marry someday and if he plays everything right it’ll be an excuse not to and-

“I can’t say it back. I’m not sure I ever will.”

“I will not ask for anything more than an understanding. I move as I do because-“

She clears the distance between them and takes a heartbeat of a kiss, and he does adore when she acts of her own desire and-

“I will allow it. There is something… safe about the way you care for me. Distant but clear.”

“So I may-“

“Do what you will. I trust your decisions.”

This is not what he wants, he thinks, but-

“Will I see you later?”

He expects one of her usual uncertain comments, the predictable fear that she may not be enough, but-

“Yes.”

[shivunin]

So I saw your tags on the types of love ask and I'm also obsessed with the first weeks and months after Fenris and Hawke break up lol!! I would love to hear more of your thoughts about what Maria and Fenris are feeling/thinking esp wrt fighting together, how the kirkwall group sees them, and just generally how they cope with not being "together" but still being around each other all the time.

Oooh anon, I tried to keep this a reasonable length and I failed haha. In my defense, I have 30k words of unfinished fic answering this very question and I pared it down as best I could.

So:

I think the immediate aftermath is, of course, the most painful--but it's also the most careful on her part. Analysis sets in for her pretty quickly about a day later, when her head is more clear: she loves him and she doesn't believe that loving him gives her a right to take his friends and home away. Hawke is very aware that she has the power to do this if she isn't careful.

What can she do about it? Give him space. Make sure he knows he's still welcome. Keep inviting him to things where many of her other friends are present. Never touch him unless she has no other choice, because she knows she'll give herself away. Look at him directly as little as possible (this one is for her own sake---watching him is like putting her thumb on a bruise to make sure it's still there). Be alone rarely, if ever, and if alone then at a great distance. No more walking home together; no more late nights reading in her library before the fire; no more long goodbyes at her door. She tries so hard to be careful with him and instead she is stiff and overly polite.

It hurts. For both of them. I've talked before about how friendship is the bedrock of their relationship to me, and for a while they lose that, too. Maria's fatal flaw is that she thinks she can perfectly read everyone around her. She assumes that the boundaries she's drawn are good for both of them and she never, ever asks Fenris what he thinks or wants---because that would mean talking about it.

Fighting is rough for a while, because one of them is now dedicated to not paying attention to the other. They both get hurt, badly, in the few weeks immediately after that night. Fenris occasionally slips and calls her Maria (he can't get it out of his head no matter how much he'd like to). Hawke occasionally slips and pats his shoulder or elbows him to make a joke before she remembers and pulls away again.

At last, they get in a really big argument over what Fenris says to Merrill during Mirror Image. Maria loses her temper (she usually keeps a very tight leash on it) and says some things she doesn't mean---the subtext being, if she is a monster then I am a monster. If you knew that before, then why did you ever pretend you wanted me? She does not say this explicitly, because I think she doesn't actually want to know the answer. She apologizes as best she can without actually acknowledging what happened, but now that is festering between them, too.

All of their friends definitely know what's going on. They had front-row seats to the budding flirtation, the tiny gestures of affection...and now they also get to see Hawke putting herself as far away from him as possible, Fenris's absolute refusal to discuss any of it, the pained way he looks at her when she isn't watching, and so on. How can they not know? I think Varric and Isabela try to discuss it with Maria, in their respective ways, and she laughs it off. I think Anders probably makes a pointed comment and she bats that away, too. (Actually, Aveline might be the only one who's still oblivious, judging by the dialogue in her Act 2 quest.)

She does eventually confide in Sebastian, because he's supposed to take confessions, isn't he? Surely this is not so bad a thing to carry, in comparison to everything else. In the end, all she really wants is her friend back and she doesn't know how to get back what they've lost. She blames herself far more than she blames Fenris (Hawke should be able to fix everything always, obviously). Before she can come to any conclusions about how to patch things up, Leandra dies and she really starts spiraling.

When she finally emerges from the big blank space immediately following the funeral, Hawke is erratic. She gets drunk and sloppy, she throws herself into fights she couldn't possibly win, and she stops being careful with Fenris.

(For the record--I think he prefers the minor arguments to Hawke being polite with him. Maria is polite with Meredith and Marethari and the Viscount and the Arishok. She is friendly or charming or crass with everyone else. Being on the receiving end of cordiality was far, far worse than anything she pulls while she's grieving.)

Again--it takes something big to knock her out of this spiral. Luckily, Kirkwall has no shortage of shitshows. Hawke faces down death, comes to terms with the fact that she's just going to have to be in unrequited love with Fenris forever, and acquires a new title, not necessarily in that order. Fenris watches her die, acknowledges privately that he would rather be with her than without her regardless of what they are to each other or what dangers they face, and is there with her when she needs him the most.

Some of those boundaries stick around--she doesn't look at him often or for too long, which he hates, and they don't spend much time alone together. But slowly, slowly, they rebuild their rapport. Hawke and Fenris respect each other deeply; I think that's what makes the rest of it possible. Love is one thing---messy and busy and too heavy by far---but respect is something they both understand, and it's a good enough foundation to build on. She does love him; if she could make it into a purely platonic love, she absolutely would. More importantly, Maria trusts him and he clearly feels the same. It takes time, but they get back much of what they lost.

I want to be clear: she never thinks of any of this as biding her time for him to realize he wants her; she knows that he never will. She also knows she has to be okay with that if they're going to be friends again, and that matters to her most of all. It would have broken her heart to lose him because she couldn't move on.

For Fenris's part--I don't know how much of his reaction is guilt and how much is being caught essentially flat-footed. I cannot imagine what it would be like to work up to wanting to be emotionally intimate with someone (physical intimacy entirely aside) and then have that comfort entirely ripped away because of something he feels solely responsible for.

So, anon, to answer your question:

They deal with it by letting what happened between them be the third party in the room, ultimately. They both know what happened; they know that talking about it by now is more likely to open up wounds than it is to heal them. What they have is immeasurably valuable to both of them. If he still dreams about holding her, if she measures every suitor at her door against Fenris, well---that's for them to handle alone. Nobody else needs to know.

[proendovents]

I used to have a... well, I say friend, but I mean that really tentatively. like, we had a qpr at some point i think? idk. anyways, the only relevant thing here is that we're not friends anymore.

So, I've known for a while now (2+ months) that this ex-friend is plural. And I mean, I felt safe talking to them about things. I mentioned how I thought there might be a chance that I'm plural (not what this is about though. that's its own thing) a few times. idk why, but I never once brought up my tulpas (bc I don't personally include tulpas as part of my potential plurality. if u do tho, go off ig). Ig my gut was telling me I wasn't totally safe with them.

Anyways. Few weeks back, I found out they were anti-endo through overhearing a conversation they were having with someone else about the topic. So, as soon as I safely could, I sent them an anon ask on their Tumblr telling them exactly why I was blocking them everywhere. Discord? Blocked. Tumblr? Blocked. If I find them anywhere else ever? Blocked.

And, like, it sucked, knowing I had just dropped someone I thought would understand, someone I thought was my friend, but it really wasn't all that bad. But I thought that would be the end of it. I block them everywhere and make active moves to avoid them and any interaction with them.

No.

This person messages one of our mutual plural friends (who I'm pretty sure is proendo or endoneutral) at around 10 pm, which is the time that mutual friend goes to bed. So yk, disturbing the sleep of someone you say is your friend and possibly fucking up their meds? Not cool. And they used that friend as a middleman to tell me they wanted to talk. I asked the friend to (as politely as I could considering how reasonably mad and upset I was) tell them that I will be maintaining the boundaries we've both set up and I will not be breaking that boundary now.

And you'd think "oh, ok Anon. what that person did was rlly shitty of them, it's totally fair that you're upset and feel the need to vent. have you gotten it all out of your system?" wouldn't you? Well that's where you're wrong again! This person messages my ex-girlfriend (who is still one of my closest friends btw. love u lots lulu. hope u never see this ever) to get to me! Like, messaging one person in an attempt to get around a block is just petty and pathetic. Messaging two people to get around the block after already being told that the person you're trying to contact does not want to speak to you ever again is just plain selfish and cruel. I know damn well if she'd been the one doing the blocking, she wouldn't appreciate it if I had done that. God, the lack of respect for others.

And they apologised. apparently. I don't believe for a second that it's sincere because I have trust issues, they've already betrayed my trust, and I know my bestie well enough to know that she scolded them until she got an apology for me. Here's the word for word quote from my bestie's DMs where she relays news of that "apology" I received: she says "she's sorry and she'll leave you alone"

I just wish I didn't have to cut them off. They were nice otherwise, but I'm very proendo while they were very much the opposite. I kinda wonder how they'd feel if they knew that part of my suspicion of my own plurality is endogenic.

:( I’m so sorry anon

[rubykgrant]

(Silly background RVB relationship stuff that I may or may not expand on more in the full story-line, but it definitely all happened in the background, so I'm just gonna ramble with it here~)

Caboose is a person who can make "friends with benefits" work, because he genuinely cares about being friends; paying attention to what the other person needs, being honest if that's something he comfortable with, making sure they respect his own boundaries, and remaining on good terms through it all. It helps that Caboose has become aware of how... over-zealous he can be. So! Good communication and understanding personal-space! Very helpful. Also, he's had better luck with relationships in the past than some of the others (he might not understand all of Tucker's perv jokes, but he absolutely knows how different kinds of romantic/sexual relationships work). So, at some point after all the time-travel shenanigans...

Donut has never actually "dated" anybody before. He and Doc have a relationship that is downright domestic, but for them it's more of an open QPR (Doc is aro/ace, but still enjoys affection, and they love spending time together). He had some wild fun on Chorus before, but big deal, that whole thing was bonkers. Donut isn't sure if he wants to live the single life with some fun flings, or start looking for something more serious. He hasn't really DONE anything with anybody! After talking to Caboose, really just venting and not hoping for a solution, Caboose suggests they could... try being together. Which Donut did not expect, but OK! Please and thank you! They still do everything they did together as friends, but now there is added activities in private where they kiss, cuddle, and yes- are sexually intimate. Very enjoyable for them both! Donut eventually checks if it would be alright with Caboose for him to see other people, which is fine. They remain friends, no more "benefits" while Donut has experiences with different partners, because whoever Donut might start seeing next, he would want to check and see how they get along with Caboose, what they're all comfortable with, so nobody feels "cheated". They're still fine spending time as friends (potential to get together again, or just a clean break, no pressure~)

Kai very much likes having fun and fooling around... but sometimes it is TIRESOME to go through everything involved with having sex. Even just hook-ups; you gotta go out, or look around on a dating site, make sure the other person isn't an ax murderer, potentially deal with somebody who is an a-hole, potentially deal with somebody who is WAY too clingy right off the bat, stock up on protection, all that jazz. She just wants to fool around with somebody who appreciates how nice it is to be physically close and share the moment, but won't be weird about it later! Caboose also listens to her venting, and has a suggestions. So, they proceed to have some fun times in bed together, and then after Kai doesn't have to worry about kicking him out/making an escape, because she likes his company! She also doesn't have to worry about him being a creep. They can enjoy themselves, then relax, share a shower, then watch TV or play video games. It's very chill. She eventually tells Caboose she's ready to go be the life of several parties again, and he's fine with that. Kai kinda gets the vibe that Caboose would want to eventually find somebody (or a couple people, he's polyam~) to "settle down" with, and while that ain't for her, she doesn't want to get in the way of that if he starts dating anybody seriously (he's not her booty-call on demand, but he is her FRIEND. if he's ever with anybody who's into the idea of being open, Kai will be right in there, but if not, no big deal)

Locus still has all kinds of twisted up feelings regarding his own "humanity", and if he even deserves happiness. He also was just very unlucky when he was younger, getting bad information regarding how relationship dynamics work, then never having much personal experience for years (being a human killing machine and such), THEN his longest relationship ever was. Felix. That sure does things to a person. They had a lot going on; friends, partners, lovers, and... some more unpleasant terms. Locus would really like to be with somebody who would NOT hurt him, and also knows exactly who he is. This is hard, because who he is can be potentially SCARY, and Locus wants to know that HE won't hurt somebody else. Once again, Caboose listens to his friend vent. Instead of jumping right into sexy times, Caboose offers to literally sleep with Locus, just holding each other and cuddling. If Locus wants more, Caboose is willing to do more. It isn't pity, and it doesn't come with strings attached, some obligation or favored owed later. They do become sexually intimate, and eventually, Locus asks if Caboose wants to try actually dating. They do, for a bit. It's very nice, and while it's good for both men in different ways, Locus still has other aspects of his life to work on, and he doesn't want Caboose to "wait" while that happens. So, they end the dating, but remain very good friends (again, it could be more again someday, perhaps even with others involved. Locus could even find other relationships for himself, now that he knows how good it can be~)

Also, it would just be very amusing for the Reds and Blues to have a return trip to Chorus, where they're asked to give an obligatory "Responsible Grown-Up Talk" to the new kids about relationships (communication, staying safe, being respectful, different aspects of sexuality, etc), and this is how Tucker finds out Caboose is, in fact, the hunka-hunka of Blue Team! This is also how Grif finds out Caboose and his sister have fooled around; everybody expects Grif would flip out over it, but he's just- "Y'know what? That's cool. Caboose is cool. I don't need to know ANYTHING ELSE about what my sister has been doing, but that's fine"

[aquilamage]

Looks to the Moon is such a good character and I love them so much.

cue ten miles of rambles <3:

you're playing a game where you (the player, and the character) are thrown into a world that is unfamiliar and frightening and all the other beings are at best neutral but mostly want to make you dead. It's a lot. So to give you someone who is safe is such a relief and a comfort! It's a really good game design choice for endearing you to them instantly and also for making everything else a little more bearable.

(It makes me think of how hk did a similar thing with cornifer and quirrel being a nice reprieve from the stress of the game every time you ran across them, except instead of a random (at least the first time you play) moment you stumble on every so often Looks to the Moon is a safe base to return to. If rain world had a more easily useable (and non-limited) fast travel system I'd be playing it like my first albw playthrough where I went back to visit Ravio at the end of literally every play session)

Plus the fact that they're a loredump character is. mwah! extra nice on top of that

And then on top of the mechanical endearment her character is so good! She's your friend!!! they're so niceies!!!!! getting to see them greet me every time I show up is so!!! Like for sure some of it is the fact that you're the only one who visits and listens to them etc but everything in the way they act suggests that would be the case anyway

and their enthusiasm with the pearls and the fact that they give you the cutest little term of endearment about bringing them!!!!!

"Big Sis Moon" is soooo good and important because not only does it say that she's the kind of person you would call that affectionately but also that she had at least one person who called her that! a sibling! a loving affectionate connection!

but they're also not just nice and nothing else! I really really like the fact that they're very firm about boundaries and such while still being polite. Obv with the neurons (if you touch one they ask you to stop either verbally or with the overseer if you can't understand yet, and she then says that if you do that again she won't talk to you. I've never tested touching one again and saving but I don't doubt she would go through with it) although I don't count that as much because that's like. mega-serious situation version.

But also like with the pearls there's some instances of not wanting to read/discuss contents of one. And in one of the Sky Islands pearls they have a bit where they're just like "please be respectful when speaking of the Void Sea" and then move on. Idk it's a very nice touch.

plus of course the iconic bit from the Wall pearl where they're like "none of us miss the ancients. they were like if parasites were also annoying." It's surprising and hilarious because it's just so extremely mean in comparison to anything they've ever said before and I love that.

firstly because of an admittedly very me thing of feelin like 'the fact that she's always nice better not be a weird Gender writing thing going on.' But also like. As I said before I think it's funny when the nice character has a Very Rude Outburst moment ("we have saved your life before, you witch" anyone?).

PLUS just. The Ancients suck so much and were terrible to the Iterators and Looks to the Moon has so much shit that's happened to them. She deserves to be mean about it one time! She mentions several times about other Iterators having frustration and anger about the everything and while I can definitely believe that she's less like that I also believe that there's gotta be at least some of that there for her too! So of course it's gonna leak out at some point!

and the fact that they immediately follow it up with the 'I'm sorry, that was disrespectful' says sooo much too. Not just that they're nice and polite and trying not to break that but also like. their personal views on the Ancients which might have been a source of conflict with some of the other iterators

adn then switching to something else: the tragedy of their situation with being broken down and helpless and isolated and her relief at being helped! but also leaving me wondering if it really is a kindness when you abandon them with the ending and they're basically in the same state but with a slightly better memory of what's going on and there's nothing more you can do.

the ending line of the dialogue about the pearl in their area being, after all the background information of everything that happened with Sliver of Straw, "I make the case that maybe she should be allowed to rest in peace now." It's compassion on her end but also deeply sad to hear and like. maybe it's just me but I feel like there's something else there that either I'm not grasping or we just aren't given the full information for.

the drainage system pearl about the Ancients thinking that trying and effort was bad and the iterators being for offloading that and Looks to the Moon ending with "I know I have tried very hard." like fucking!!!!! rip out my heart and stomp on it why don't you! that would hurt less! it's but one of the many ways the ancients were messed-up with how they treated the Iterators but that specific statement is so personal!!! AUGH!

...Despite how Much I've said here I still feel like I'm forgetting something Important but of course idk what it would be. But yeah Looks to the Moon is The Character ever so cool so stunningly pretty their voice is so cute and I love her.

[cludeswoleovan]

Regrettable or Repeatable, You Decide. || Clyde & Wendy || 5.31.24

Well, this was terrifying.

Clyde tried to play it cool, like it was no big deal that he was nuts deep in Wendy just a few days ago. It was a one time thing, right? It wasn't like it was ever going to happen again. And him and Wendy were getting along so well recently, to the point where they had inside jokes and texted each other quite a bit. Even after sleeping together, Wendy seemed excited to see Clyde just as she was before, which made Clyde excited and happy as well.

But this text message... what did she even want to talk about? Clyde felt the nerves build up in him from the moment he sent his last message all the way until he pulled up in front of her house.

Was she going to tell him that she didn't like what they did and break off their friendship? Clyde wasn't sure he'd be able to handle that, but he also wanted to be respectful of her boundaries. Or maybe she felt like they were getting too close? Didn't like the rumors that were spreading about them, especially now that it was publicly known that they did sleep together.

Was he bad in bed? Oh God, Clyde might cry if Wendy told him that.

His anxiety didn't release the grasp it had on his nerves even as he pulled out his phone to text her.

[iMessage to Wendy’s Nuts] herreeee

There. Friendly enough, right? Clyde got out of his car and dragged his feet to her door, shoving the phone back in his pocket and drumming his fingers on his blue jeans. He fiddled with the string of his hoodie in his other hand as he looked around, trying to find anything that might distract him from the literally ticking time bomb in his chest. Clyde blew his cheeks up, holding his breath.

He can do this. Be a man, Clyde - you're the DonoMAN! Whatever she's got to say, he'll take it without a fight. As a man, and as her friend.

@wendy-the-great

[pheonyxian]

Baldur's Gate 3 Sexless Any% Part 3

I think some of my mutuals are using this as an actual way of knowing what BG3 is actually about so I figured I'd use this edition to talk about the plot and npcs a bit. Might slow down or stop these at some point? I thought the original premise was funny but I don't know if it's liveblog an entire 100 hour game funny. Regardless feel free to block the tag I'm adding if you don't want to hear any future rambles. Do love/hate it when a game I didn't intend to like so much gets its grubby mind flayer tentacles wrapped around my brain so hard.

The OC PC: RPing through the game as my OC Ank. I wasn't sure if picking an oc with strong psychic powers would rub against the mind flayer plot but so far it's been a perfect choice. Ank is traditionally a villain but I'm not playing a villain for my first play through, so it's been fun to rp him in a scenario where he's g o o d and his life didn't take a turn for the worse. He's also traditionally blind, but obviously the game isn't set up for that. I was originally just imagining cutscenes playing out differently if sight was involved, but maybe it'll be more interesting to consider him in a pre-blinded state. I'm sure certain repeated actions in the ocular region won't have any u n f o r t u n a t e effects.

Mind Flayers: The setup for the plot is that mind flayers have infected you (and your companions, and a large number of npcs) with mind flayer parasites and you have to remove them before you turn into fully grown mind flayers. Except for some reason you haven't turned yet and you get cool psychic powers with them.

The Guardian: In addition to making your own character at start, you also can character create your "guardian." Everyone I know just hits the randomize button because they've already spent an hour fussing over every detail of their character, but I knew this was coming and already planned my guardian out. And uh, like I said, Ank's traditionally a villain and the only guardian-like character he's ever had is uh... I'm going to be honest with you, if the guardian turns out to be the big bad of the game that's going to be funny as all fuck. I'm sure there's very little chance of that though, it's not like there's anything evil about telling you to s h o v e w o r m s i n t o y o u r s k u l l.

Withers: Withers is more of a mechanic than a character. I do want to know his story though. He's an undead or lich or something who will revive dead characters (for a cost) hire generic undead companions (for a cost, I guess if you want to resign your poor companion's unfortunate fate) and change your cast (for the same cost as undead friends.) I guess money still has use in the afterlife. I haven't had to use his services yet but I've had a lot of close calls and dwindling Revivify scrolls so it's only a matter of time.

Volo: Just Gale but a bard. Not a playable character Bard mind you. At least not yet. I don't know what his deal is. He offered to extract the mind flayer parasites with a pair of needles which I almost agreed to to see if he'd actually poke Ank's eye out.

And updates on companion stories:

Shadowheart: Decided that after a week of traveling and nearly dying together it was appropriate to breach topics again. Pretty sure the game expected me to ask these immediately once the option was available but like I said, we respect boundaries in this house. Anyway, Shadowheart's a cleric of Shar, who by context I'm assuming is bad. The way she put her worship didn't sound that bad, about embracing the darkness as a way of stripping falsehoods, right up until she started talking about toppling governments and killing innocents, so I'm keeping her at a 2/10 for being batshit insane.

Also her magical artifact is required for keeping me alive and she stole it and do we really want the e v i l cleric to have that kind of p o w e r over M E?

Lae'zel: Lae'zel sits at the very strange crossroad of honorable and completely ruthless. She's totally fine with killing your enemies but you have to do it the right way, and b r a i n w o r m s isn't the right way. I'd say the right way is whatever works. 7/10

Gale: All of my attempts to pry into Gale's backstory (boundaries? what boundaries?) were foiled by poor dice rolls so no updates on his dark and traumatic past. I did give him two magical artifacts to slurp up because he looked like he was going to die of heat stroke at camp. I've been avoiding spoilers but I had heard that it's hilariously difficult to not accidentally romance Gale due to a bug, and the fact that you can start his romance path without realizing it. Thankfully Ank is smart enough to realize that when you cast spells together that makes the air smell like rosewater it's time to high tail it out of there. 2/10 as smooth as a slip n' slide.

That said, I don't know if it's been patched yet, but according to the internet there's like a 50/50 chance the game thinks we've already banged. Tbd on that one. Sexless any% is slowly turning into Oops! Fucked Everyone thanks purely on technicalities.

Astarion: Based on the way people talk about him I genuinely thought the pompous personality was just a facade and that he'll eventually tip his hand and reveal he's been evil this entire time. But honestly based the bits of backstory he's (refreshingly, compared to the rest of these idiots) given out I think he's just the guy who, once given the keys to power, will drive right off sanity road. Regardless, he used to serve an abusive vampire lord so I guess we're going vampire hunting in the future. 10/10 bad influence gay best friend who tells you to chug and shove parasites up your eyes.

Wyll: Wyll is a warlock who serves a fiend that forces him to hunt down and kill demons, which sounds like a fine deal until some tricky wordplay came in. After refusing to kill Karlach (Tiefling, not demon) his patron changed him into a Tiefling too. Honestly? Upgrade. 6/10 nice guy but surrounded by more colorful characters.

Karlach: Ok here’s why Karlach is a 10/10 character even without taking sex appeal into consideration. She’s a Tiefling who served in some demonic war against her will and had her heart replaced with an infernal engine that constantly burns her and anyone she touches with searing hot pain. Despite this she has constant big sister energy and her biggest complaint is how touch starved she is. I don’t even care if it comes bundled with a sex scene, Karlach is getting a goddamn hug before the credits roll.

[wild-karrde]

CONGRATULATIONS KARRDE <3 <3 <3

if you have space left for your follower celebration i would LOVE some director's commentary!! i will, unsurprisingly, request something from in command, whatever part you'd like. if you want me to narrow it down a bit, i'd love to hear more about chapters 8, 12, or 13. but again, talk about whatever part you want!!

-- @cyarbika <333

BEEEEEEE THANK YOOOOOU!!! I honestly get so thrilled at your excitement about In Command, and am more than happy to blather about it at any given opportunity (*resists the urge to apologize for being annoying* see this is GROWTH). I might... do chapter 8? If that's ok? Mainly because I feel like I've shouted at you and other commenters a LOT about went on in my head for Ch. 12 and 13 (but also will absolutely do more given the opportunity).

Putting under a cut since it's got some spoilers. Also, heads up for mentions of attempted sexual assault (which takes place in this specific chapter).

OK OK OK so for Chapter 8, on this go-around I REALLY wanted touch to be a theme in the chapter. Rex and Senna have been often classified as "touchy feely", and I honestly lean into that a lot in my writing because I think that shows how much they immediately trust one another and how comfortable they are around each other.

At the beginning of the chapter, we see Senna frustrated because she feels like Rex is recoiling from her, and to her, that feels like she's done something wrong or that he's withdrawing that trust/comfort a bit. That frustrates her for several reasons (some of which she's still VERY MUCH in denial about), but we see how quickly that frustration shifts after she wakes Rex up from his nightmare.

Suddenly, she's also withdrawing now, but it's because she's having what I think is a pretty natural response to violence (even if it was completely unintentional on Rex's part). She still wants to trust Rex and be that comfortable around him, and to an extent, when she stays to sleep with him that night, it's her really trying to make things feel normal, even if they just don't. She knows, deep down, that wasn't Rex in the moment, that he wasn't being violent towards her, but she still withdraws and is rattled. Rex has been her first source of comfort in over a year, true comfort (not like her failed romantic endeavors), and the fact that she doesn't find as much of that comfort in him after that moment is hard for her.

And then here comes Fisk. I really did want to make him more awful on this go-round, and I feel like I've managed to do so. He really is a culmination of every guy that I've ever thought I had a handle on in terms of intentions. I unfortunately kind of think that's a widely-felt experience where you walk into a situation with a guy that you feel you've set a clear boundary for, or that you think surely won't do that thing, but then he lets you down. You may not even like the guy (like Fisk), but you at least figure you can handle him, that you can hold your own. Not that Senna necessarily expected much out of Fisk, but she did have some level of expectation that he'd adhere to her boundaries, and if she pushed back, he'd back off. And then he doesn't, and suddenly, she realizes she's completely misjudged the situation. In that moment, she does what a lot of us do in these situations: blames herself and considers the outcome something she has to bear because of her miscalculation (which no, fuck Fisk and every dude like him... this was admittedly a bit therapeutic in that respect). And at this point, even with her and Rex struggling slightly, Senna is still willing to do whatever is needed to keep Rex safe.

And then there's Rex, and in this moment, even with the turmoil between them, Senna finds comfort in his touch. Because even if things weren't clearly evolving romantically between the two of them, Rex would never do that to someone, and she knows that. He'd never hurt her in the way Fisk did, would never demand something of her that she didn't feel comfortable giving (oh hey parts of Ch. 14 how did you get here?). He's safety and comfort and gentleness that she hasn't felt in a year, even with the bruises on her throat. The one silver lining of this entire interaction with Fisk is that he cements that in her mind, that Rex is all of those things. This is the point where she starts to think about how nice it is to allow herself this, to think about what it's like to have someone in her life providing those things, and how she feels about it.

For Rex, this is also a moment where he realizes how much Senna cares for him (even if it's not explicitly romantic yet). This is a person that would do just about anything to keep him safe, and for him, he can count the non-clone people that would do the same on one hand. He's always been a protector, and to have someone go to that length to protect him? It's definitely not something he's used to, and it absolutely has a massive impact on him. I really wanted this to put things in perspective for him, for him to have this moment of epiphany where he really starts to examine his feelings for Senna and how those are changing and what they mean. Because yes, he'll do just about anything to keep her safe, but this time, it's not because she's a brother or because he sees her in the same way he sees Ahsoka. I really wanted to lay some seemingly innocuous breadcrumbs (like him blowing on her wrists) that would amount to more in the next chapter, because he's in deep and is just now starting to realize it.

Anyway, I've rambled enough (and to think I was originally gonna try to cover all three chapters you mentioned...). But THANK YOU AGAIN FOR THE KIND WORDS AND ASK, THE LOVELY COMMENTS THAT YOU LEAVE, AND JUST FOR BEING YOU, BEE! I APPRECIATE THE HECK OUT OF YOU!!!

Thanks for participating in my 800 Follower Celebration!

[euphoricfilter]

What are not horny moments between pretty puppy yoongi and mc like? What happens if mc is not up for it or vise versa? What happens if mc is crying and doesn’t want to be touched or something? Does yoongi cry and how does he cope with it? By turning to mc or does he just internalizes it? Are there ever moments where they’re like REALLY angry with each other? We all have our horny moments, but I’m sure we also have our sad boi moments as well so I’m really curious~

Tell me all the angst~

- (⭑•͈ 𓎟 •͈ )

ah a very good question!

it would be very fluffy, on a regular day i think yoongi would enjoy cooking for her; gentle touches of reassurance from each of them or light kisses on bare skin. assuming yoongi isn’t working, i think their day would be relatively slow, late morning in and late breakfast, curious hands on bare skin though there’s nothing sexual about it, just soft, loving touches as they doze off.

if neither of them are up for sex of any kind then the other will obviously respect their boundaries, no hard feelings. i think maybe the m/c would have a higher libido than yoongi and more often then not he might not be in the mood— there are other ways to relieve themselves without disturbing the other. i doubt yoongi would have a no touching rule, more than happy for her to take care of herself if he’s not in the mood or vise versa.

yoongi would respect her boundaries! i’m sure if she’s worked herself up, is a little overwhelmed he’d be able to catch onto that and would definitely ask her if it’s okay to touch her before he does. he wouldn’t be mad or anything if she told him no. i think at first maybe he would be a bit panicky, unsure what to do— because how was he meant to comfort her when he can’t hold her? though i’m sure after, when she’s calmed down, they’d talk about ways to deal with it in the future.

i think both of them hold communication quite high, trusting one another enough that they’d be able to speak their mind without regret— comfortable enough to discuss anything. because there’s no point staying silent and mad or confused when you can talk it out and understand the other’s emotions before you act rashly

i don’t think he’d cry, though a little shocked i think he’d go into the situation with a level head. thinking it’s useless for both of them to be overwhelmed and upset. i think he’d just constantly reassure himself that the m/c is okay, that she’s going to be okay. maybe if he finds it particularly hard he’ll take some time out for himself afterwards, maybe to sit down and think over what happened though i think talking about it is what helps him most

oooo probably. i mean it’s only natural that people get mad at each other at some point. i’m not sure what it would be about though. maybe yoongi’s jealousy? i think the m/c would be a little like me where harsh emotions like anger become too overwhelming and maybe she just cries, because she doesn’t know how else to express her frustrations and i think maybe that’s when they both realize that shouting isn’t getting them anywhere and that maybe they both need to calm down.

if anything they’d take and hour or two away from each other and reconvene when they feel like they’ve mulled over the situation enough and they’re not going to absolutely explode again

i think the most upsetting part for both of them would be the fact they even thought to talk to the other the way they did, maybe regretting things they said in the heat of the moment. maybe both feeling a little sorry for themselves.

and maybe that’s when yoongi cries. when they finally hug again after making up because a small part of him wondered if the m/c was going to leave him. and maybe she presses gentle kisses over his eyelids because it’s not often yoongi cries

[lettersforlittletinyprivatetwo]

my submissive,

I will leave here now. I want to make it clear that while I can understand how you might have seen certain instances of written conversation a certain way in spring, my own feelings and intentions were and are positive and thoughtful, and I can benefit from constructive feedback in such exchanges on how best to communicate those things to you just as the same is true the other way. I had created a protocol to return to discussions where one or the other became upset within 30min - 1hr (a technique taken from several therapeutic sources) so that you wouldn’t be left unnecessarily ruminating in that personal hell that often comes first (with very upsetting and false takes, bad guy voice) for an indefinite amount of time. When I don’t have your time or your trust, how can you watch me demonstrate to be the man you chose, to eradicate those fears and instill those positive impressions and reminders?

Pause with me for a moment. Think far back to other times where maybe I asked you something to learn more, or clarified something—in VU when we had time and a vicarious physical location where I could disarm you and gently redirect you from these intense self-applied criticisms. I even met you under circumstances where you were punishing yourself beyond what your own then-Dominant had deemed appropriate. Remember, “ask”? While it did not often arrive as needed, it came up as a reminder once that tsunami of emotion was reeled in and you discovered that you were afterall safe and valued.

Remember how you made several personal collars for me, for my girl to wear, and in some outfit at some point I requested the lion one and I never saw the others again? We talked about this one. I liked them too, some more than others sure, but was then on only granted the one flavor with no variation. That enforced all or nothing style is very rigid and takes away opportunities of a variety of manner, whether that is a wardrobe pairing or a demonstration of respecting boundaries as opposed to being shut out little by little of every range of topic. Remember this line from the Tao Te Ching — things that live are supple and able to bend like the branch; those which are dead are hard and break in the wind.

My lovely girl. I speak as a leader because that is my role. But it is not a role that I can take without your trust or faith. Do you not want for it? You have in some occasions accused me of lying, sometimes without the word itself. I am never lying. For a window of time, I was not honest about my heritage (a hard topic [no excuse] which I think I am finally ready to approach), that is true. Barring that I am built of honesty and trust. I did not lie since I was 12 years old prior, I can tell you the story sometime, and truthfully I did not expect to live through to this point so why burden you with my shit. Anyways, lying is not in any part of my life and it never going to be and has not been since dropping that shield. This is something that I need you to understand and accept. This is the only consensual connection that I have ever had these kinds of accusations present themselves, and as honesty is critical fiber of who I am, you might imagine how unsettling, hurtful, it is to face this at all, let alone with some regularity. I owned the isolated matter that deviated from reality, and I want to wash it away with clear understanding that I would never lie to you about anything. I swear it on the memory of my grandma. Frances A (FrancescA) Montague—she said the “A” was incredibly important to her and she kept it as such.

I feel that you are not speaking to me because you think you maybe will be manipulated. Mine, if I felt I needed to manipulate you to be beneath me, that would mean that I require someone else, and I would not spend such effort and time for a goal that, once achieved, is destined to fail and fundamentally pointless. That is the way of stupidity and would be disrespectful of both our lives. I do not have an appreciation for wasted or arbitrary efforts or devotions. And I suspect that you do not either.

My mine. You are intelligent, deep, rich in expression, sexy and yummy, refined, practical, dually sensitive and collected, storied, fascinating, plus some naughty language that I will leave for another time. For me you are a perfectly balanced meal, with a generous amount of spice, and I love you. I understand that maybe you do not feel the best about certain things. That doesn’t mean that this is the wrong choice. It means there have been some bumps along the way, and every day is a brand new one.

A positive attitude is really important to me. A healthy appreciation for laughter is too. The difference these things can make on any given situation or interpretation of something is night and day. Even in the face of adversity, hanging on to these is empowering and you always come out the better from each situation because of being able to keep your head high, utilizing the situation as a means of gaining, and basically remaining in charge of your well-being no matter what comes.

Well anyways it is pretty late. Do you remember when we were at 3DX and you disappeared whilst I was playing with you down below? Do you remember my response there? If I was a smaller man, self-involved or insecure, imagine how I might have taken that personally. But I am me, and while this was intimate and thus vulnerable time, my responsibility in the matter extends beyond my own hubris—being astute, gaining awareness, acknowledging whats the issue, knowing my own subs past in connection to here, and it is atypical behavior. Moments such as that should be considered atypical and approached as a mutual experience to disect together. The bigger choice was to ground my choice of how to see you in the moment and my response to it in faith and not in fear. Both of them demand that you believe in something that you cannot see—it is up to you which you decide to choose, and what you choose, in the end, means everything in how you choose to let your life unfold.

Some things in life we do not get the opportunity to choose, we just have to take what we get. I am glad that I am able to choose you. And I will continue to choose you, every single day. Healing from episode was a rocky road but I am back on my feet for real now, the proof of true and reliable stability being in the months that have gone by of uninterrupted function, steps of demonstrable progress, and restoration of capabilities not seen since prior to illness. I am excited to share this new chapter with you, if you wish to win this with me. I would love to open a dialogue for that when you are ready.